Poker Jokes

[chrisash]

A Trip to Las Vegas:
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"

I love this one

[Ando05]

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his
head.
The voice says,
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las
Vegas."
He ignores the voice.
Later in the day, he hears the voice again.
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las
Vegas."
Again, he ignores the voice.
Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day.
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las
Vegas."
He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice.
He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las
Vegas.
As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, "Go to the
Horseshoe."

He goes to The Horseshoe.
The voice says, "Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP)
entry."
He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP.
He goes to his assigned tournament table.
The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd.
The voice says, "Go all in."
He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot.
Three players call.
The dealer lays down the flop which is Jh10h9h.
The voice says, "Shit."

[Ando05]

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand,
clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their
playing time standing up.
Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws.
Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any
worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet.
Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife
answers, asks what he wants.
Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Rippington says, "I'll tell him."