Post mortem from yesterday

[Penguinfan]

I am sure by now everyone knows the Missouri game ended the only way it could have. Sorry to all who tagged along on that one.

I've had some time to think about it, pretty much all I have been thinking about. Was it a mistake? Am I embarassed about it? Am I upset? Well the easy answer to the first two questions is yes, but not for the reasons you might think.

I'm honestly not upset, really. I think I have been looking for a way out recently and just needed a push out the door. I have a job where I have a certain number of things that need done each day and I get to leave as soon as they are finished. This gave me a lot of time to come home and handicap.

Between capping, playing poker, etc... I easily logged 30 hours a week and showing nothing for it recently except headaches and losses. Not just losses, bad beats, half point losses, rediculous penalties, etc.... Those things add up. I was really at a crossroads wondering if I even wanted to do this anymore, at the beginning of the last drive in the Rutgers game Friday night I think I knew it was coming to an end for me. I could honestly see that game ending exactly the way it finally did, the only way it could be a loss.

I made up my mind to dump everything on Missouri and live with it, and I even posted that part of me wanted to lose, just so I would have a reason to quit. I called my handicapping friend and we went to the bar before kickoff to watch the Wisconson game that he had a good bit on. I told him what was going on and what I did and he almost flipped on me, but being a believer in karma he called his bookie and bought back his Missouri bet and placed it again buying the half point, go figure, NH.

We left the bar, keep in mind we talk EVERY day without exception, he didn't return any of my calls yesterday afternoon. Finally he called me a little after 4:00 this morning, he knew I'd be at work, and told me he couldn't sleep because of what hapened. Thats a true friend.

I know exactly where I stand dollar wise from the day I got into this, I'm still way ahead, but just don't enjoy it anymore. I'm not gonna say losing that much on a game is no big deal to me, I make a salary where losing that much stings, stings like a bitch.

The whole episode is still kinda surreal to me, it hasn't sunk in I should have put that money in my kids college fund or paid down the mortgage, things like that, though I am sure it will, soon enough.

Losing day after day after day affects you when you do it as seriously as I do and take things as serious as I do. Can I re-deposit and start over, yes, will I , no, at least not anytime soon.

I'll be watching football today for the first time without a laptop with four or five windows open watching gamecasts and looking at stats, etc... I'm going to opening night for the Penguins Thursday and I'm just gonna be rooting for the home team and not sweating a wager. Not sure how it's gonna feel, but I'm looking foreward to finding out.

Many of you were rooting for me yesterday, I appreciate that, some I am sure were rooting against me, hope you enjoyed it.

I'm sure most will never understand how I can do what I did, have what happened happen and still be OK with it. I was looking for a point of departure and I got it, could I have found a less expensive way of doing it? I'm not sure. Maybe the worst thing that could have happened was to win that bet. TP had asked what I would do if I won, I honestly didn't know, still don't.

Probably just as difficult to understand how you can make money at something and want to stop doing it. It's not like winning gamblers just look at the list of games and point to two or three games and find the winners, it just doesn't work that way. A lot of work goes into it, more than most will ever know, Im glad it's over.

If I ever decide to start again you guys will be the first to know, unitl then take care.

[melioris]

I don't bet on sports, but I was pulling like hell for Missouri yesterday. I am sorry it didn't work out. I wish you had that money back, but in some twisted fucking way it sounds like yesterday provided clarity.

Best of luck to you.

[Talking Poker]

Agreed. I still think you could have gotten said clarity without resorting to the all or nothing bet, but that's hindsight and pointless to think about.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you - for the obvious reasons about your roll, but also for selfish reasons... Since you won't be spending that time handicapping any more, that means no more picks for me.

I hope you stick around the site and continue to talk sports and give input here and there, but I guess I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to be done with everything once and for all.

It's a shame you didn't save a couple hundred - you could have played in the league with us. It's good poker, and always a lot of fun. And compared to yesterday, it's small stakes...

[Aequitas58]

Just got back from a busy weekend, sorry to hear about the loss. I enjoyed the Sports Forum Penguinfan

Get your head right and we'll see you back.