Poker Tell

[ashmc2]

I didn’t put this in the Bad Beat section ‘cause I felt that this was more of just a poker story. My most memorable bad beat story was one that I inflicted on one of the casino’s regulars.

It was the first time that I had ever played live. Boy was I nervous! I had played a bit online, but still my game wasn’t where it’s at now. (Not that now it’s real great, lol) Well anyways, there were about four regulars at this full 10 seat $1/2 NL game. I was playing super tight, afraid like a little bitch.

Four regulars - #1 lets call him The Gimp, #2 The Old Guy (This dude looked 100, smelled like he was incontinent, and was actually sitting at the table with an oxygen bottle on a cart,)(of course I was sitting to the left of this stinky old fart – no pun intended,) #3 lets give him the appellation “The Asshole,” and The Asshole’s sidekick The Kid. The rest of the table were the fish – me along with a couple of decent players and the rest of the ESPN WSOP watchers.

The asshole was bullying the table for hours with PFR after PFR, CB’s, and big nasty bluffs. Yet it seemed like every time he was called down he had the goods. I’m not going to lie here, I was envious of this dude’s game and still wish I had some of his flare for aggression. He would also every cycle, do what this casino called a “live straddle,” wherein the player UTG could pay $4 and essentially become the BB and the last to act before the flop.

The Asshole and The Gimp were butting heads for well over 2 hrs. The Gimp, buying in four times, was definitely getting the worst of this confrontation. The Asshole was multitasking like a true champ - getting drunk, bullying the table, scaring the piss out of the WSOP guys, and dogging the shit out of The Gimp, (to tables’ delight, LMAO,) all while he was talking to this hot chick leaning on the rail. (This is what I think Miss Johnson used to call a run-on sentence, lol.) This is when crushed The Asshole totally crushed The Gimp and sent him limpin’ his ass on home.

The flop comes 28K. It’ called around to The Gimp and he throws in a $15 bet. It’s then folded around to The Asshole, who stands up and broadcasts to the whole table, “Ok, I said that I was only going to play one more and then I was going to take this lovely lady for a drink at the bar,(he turns and winks at her then turns back to us,) and this one’s it. He grabs $50 worth of chips and throws them in the middle, puts both hands down leaning on the table, and stared down The Gimp. The Gimp looks at his cards a second or two, says “you got me,” and folds his K7 down face-up. The Asshole laughs “This is one hell of a’ Three and a six” and throws a 3 and a six in the middle of the table, walks over and puts his arm around the girl, and swaggers off towards the bar.

Soon after this I leave the table for dinner with my wife. When I get back an hour later he’s back along with The Kid, who is at the table for the first time. He tells The Kid, with a smartass smirk on his face, while pointing at me, “watch out for this kid, he’s an internet player.” I win a few hands pretty soon after getting back and have my stack at about $100, when The Hand happens.
It came around the table to me with the call at $5. I raised it to $15 with AK. The Kid folds and The Asshole reaches down, grabs about $45 worth of chips, and throws them in all cocky and says, “I bet whatever that is!” (This is back when I thought AK was the Cat’s Ass and couldn’t be beat.) Plus he was full of shit, right, you ain’t buying my pot fag – these are the sad little thoughts running through my head, by the way. The dealer pissed, sticks his hand out at my chips and tells I am out of turn, ( Damn I felt like a tard at this juncture,) and that I would have to wait for it to be my action. Anyway, everybody folds around to me now that I announced that I was putting in another $85. Damn it. Iput in my chips, and he says without a pause, “I call.” Yes I’m still naive to my plight. I throw over my bad ass AK and then he throws his AA right on top of my cards with a smug-ass grin on his face. One guy says it ain’t looking good for you but I hope you get it. (Obviously a guy that likes the underdog or was just sick of The Asshole bullying.)

Anyways - Flop Q9K – Turn K (BAM) – River 6

No joke I literally shouted BAAAM on the turn. People at the other tables turned and stood up to watch and even the folks at the slots were staring over.

The Kid said to The Asshole as he took his seat again, “That’s harsh man, sorry. More than 9 out of 10 you win that. Sorry.”
The Asshole said, “Good hand kid. Where you from, kid?”
“Why, you looking to come and get it back?” I say.
“No, I just like to know where my money’s being spent at, that’s all,” he said.
I stand up, cradle my chips in one arm, say, “Newberry, where all the fish live,” put my other arm around my wife, and walk off to the cashier’s desk. (Or, off into the sunset, whichever sounds better.)

True story. No really. It’s true damn it. No really.