2Tone Vegas Trip Report #9: When Party Poker is an oxymoron (Very long)

[2Tone]

Cliff Notes: 2Tone makes his umpteenth trip to Vegas, briefly sees TP, drinks, ogles women, and is too distracted to actually play much poker.

Preamble: Not to start on a down note, but future trips to Vegas are uncertain at best. Oil hit $142 a barrel while I was there on Friday. There were no outward signs of distress yet – crab legs were still arriving by the truck load, the strip was still jammed packed with SUVs, and the McCarran was as busy as ever. But Vegas requires ungodly amount of energy. $5 gas would mean a major lifestyle changes for everyone across the board. I’m not at all confident that new lifestyle would include hotels offering all you can eat sushi – or much else, for that matter -- in a location that by any measure of common sense would be uninhabited in the summer months.

Alright. Enough negativity, and on to the good stuff. Apologies to Nikita and other female forum members for the content that follows.

I flew down Friday a.m., wearing swim trunks, planning to go as quickly as possible from the airplane to the Palms pool. A club pass (Vegas tip #1: These business card-style passes -- available on Ebay and/or guys handing them out on the strip -- are definitely +EV. They don’t always work, but are cheap/free, and often allow you to skip the cover) bypassed the $20 cover to get in.

Inside, amidst a sea of dude, were about 100 chicks of varying degrees of hotness, each prominently wearing a number somewhere on their bikinis. Apparently, they were auditioning to be Bunnys at the Playboy Club. I’m not sure exactly what all the requirements are to be a Bunny. But these ladies seemed to have the posing for pictures and perma-smile thing down pat.

The “host” the afternoon was Hef’s girlfriend, the platinum blond Holly Madison. She looked exactly the same as she does in every picture – gorgeous, albeit in a rather artificial way. She is a breathing fem-bot, poised and posed in her stiletto heels and tiny black dress. Photos

She made way for a “performance” by the Shop Boys. I wasn’t sure who they were during the first song, but then they did their one-and-only hit “Party Like A Rock Star.” Master MCs they ain’t, but it was fun to hear that song while actually partying like a rock star, or at least as close as I’ll ever get.

After a few hours I was fried from the 105-degree sun. I headed over to the Rio and met some friends at the WSOP. With the ME still a week away, it much less of a zoo then previous trips. And while I’m bummed to be missing the Expo and general craziness of the ME, it was great to be able to watch a little of the HORSE event. One dream/nightmare table had Doyle, Ivey and BarryG all within a few seats of each other. I just wish it had been closer to the rail so you could get a better sense of what was going on. I couldn’t make out exactly what game they were playing at any given time. There seemed to be plenty of conversation between them, much of which appeared to be unrelated to the hand currently in progress. Across the room DanielN wore headphones and PokerStars gear.

From there, we checked into the Venetian, which is just a great property. Our suite accommodated three guys easily, and everything from the service to the shower is top-notch.

We made it over to Caesars, and had drinks at La Salsa. The bartender gave us tequila-soaked pineapple slices, which packed a punch. A short while later, while my friends lost money at blackjack to dealers in Pussycat Doll get-ups, I got in a short session of 4/8. I booked a small win, which would/should have been more had I value-bet rivers against villains who were calling down very light.

Our group, now 13 strong, had a late dinner at Sensi at the Bellagio. I had sea bass, which was excellent. The bill was around $1250 with wine and tip, which I considered to be a steal.

Two of the group were playing the $1500 WSOP event tomorrow, and they went off to get some rest. But we got a co-ed group of five a free limo ride to Cheetahs (Vegas tip #2. The kickback system is alive and well – drivers are well compensated by the strip club for delivering customers. You should never have to pay for transport to the club.) The two girls were remarkably good sports for agreeing to go with us. The understanding was they wouldn’t have to pay for anything, including the lap dances the more adventurous one was willing to receive. We got a table near the stage and made ourselves at home. By the time we left, it was 5 a.m., and the sun was rising.

Saturday I was able to have a quick breakfast with TP in advance of him playing the $540 deepstack event at the Venetian. He was in good spirits, feeling confident and ready to go deep. I know other forum members were in town, and I regret not being able to get together with Pshabi, New Guy, Invig, etc.

Not confident enough to play a $500+ event, I opted for the much smaller $80 afternoon tourney at Planet Hollywood. 112 players registered, T4000 starting chips, blinds double every 20 minutes. First orbit after blinds have reached 400/800, I bust out with pockets 8s. I’ll post the hand separately.

Went back to the Rio to rail my friends. One busted just after 6 p.m, but the other was still going strong. A group of us had Sushi at Hamada’s (good if not great, reasonably priced), while above us a giant mechanical caterpillar (WTF?) filled with costumed dancers circled the casino ceiling, blasting music and dropping beads to spectators below. Bizarre.

Next stop was the Wynn, where we had multiple rounds of drinks at their excellent central hotel bar. The line was for Tryst was ridiculous – it has eclipsed Pure as the hardest club to get into in Vegas.

The drinks kept flowing, including a spirited celebration after learning our remaining friend had made it through Day 1. She later wound up cashing, finishing around 250th, doubling her money. Great showing for her first WSOP event. I had a small percentage of her action, as did a few others.

Eventually it was decided we should again go to a strip club, with the same cast of characters. This time it was Spearmint Rhino, which was jammed to the gills, and not quite as fun as Cheetahs. None the less, we stayed past 4.

Sunday a.m. I was hurting, even after coffee and Tylenol. Most of the crew were on early a.m. flights, but I had another pool party to hit before taking off. I made it to the Hard Rock just before noon for Rehab.

Cover for Rehab is now $50 (!), and on top of that, it takes another $40 of greasing a doorman to avoid the lines hundreds of people long.

Is Rehab worth $90? Yup.

Unbelievable. I don’t know where these girls come from, but it definitely isn’t anywhere else I’ve ever been. Anything and everything goes. If the Christian Right are seeking any evidence that our country is morally bankrupt, they need look no further than the Hard Rock pool on a Sunday afternoon. At one point, they shot a soft-core four-girl lesbian porn film on one of the day-beds in a cabana. Elsewhere, people were smoking joints, flashing tits, and generally carrying on. If you have a daughter, you do not want her going to this party.

Towards the end of the afternoon, I was smacking the ass of a large black woman who was bent over in front of me while shouting along with Lil’ Jon about the sweat dripping off my balls. A camera crew comes by and starts filming. I can only hope this footage is never seen.

Celeb in attendance: Paul Pierce.

Q. “Hey Paul Pierce, you just won the NBA championship! What are you going to do next?”

A. “I’m going to the Adult Disneyland!”