Tilt...

[Talking Poker]

I'm not proud, but I'm going to write it here anyway. I need to.

I tilted today. It's been a LONG time since I've (really) tilted, and I actually thought I was past that point in my poker career. Whoops - guess not!

I was playing HU cash games, which EASILY tilt me more than any other form of poker, and my God was I running badly. I have AQ and the flop comes AAK - you know villain smooth called preflop with KK. Crap like that. Not to mention all the suckouts, flush draw after flush draw getting there against me, me missing my huge draws, and even a fun deep stacked set over set on a J62 flop (I had the 66). Brutal.

I actually maintained my composure ok through most of this... until I ran into the guy complaining about his luck. He claimed that he had AA lose to 33 17 times in a one week (so he's either a liar or plays a TON of poker), and said he hasn't made a single flush draw for 2 weeks (now I know he's a liar). Naturally, he made two against me (horrible chases) in 5 minutes. He managed to only remember one of them, so maybe he's just dumb. After THAT, when he's going off about how unlucky he is (not against me - he wasn't completely blind), I just lost it. If we were playing live, I may have punched him in the face. I donked off another buy in or so to him (I think he took 3+ from me), and that's when it really hit me. True, beautiful tilt. I wanted to bet/raise/shove/bluff every single hand. I wanted to play for $1000s instead of $100s. After feeling that feeling - that very, very dangerous feeling - that I haven't felt in... years?... I quickly sat out and walked away.

I managed to type "I hate you." in the chatbox on my way out, and yes, that really did make me feel a little bit better.

But damn... I guess I'm not over the whole tilt thing after all... I didn't break anything, but I wanted to.

Final tally has me down around 12 buy ins on the day, I think. That including going 2-5 in HU SNGs, thanks to running ridiculously cold there too.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......... it feels better to get that off my chest.

It's been about an hour, and I really do feel better already. I don't trust myself to go back to the cash games yet though, but I may try to turn things around with a few HU SNGs. If things go badly fast, it's time for a poker break.